Sunsay
Christmas in a long distance relationship: 12 ideas and 12 questions to share it
Christmas is often when the distance hurts the most. Everyone around you seems to be part of a pair, your family keeps asking whether your partner is coming this year, and you are doing time zone math just to figure out when you can call.
The good news: a long distance Christmas can be planned, and with a bit of planning it can turn into a memory that belongs to the two of you. Here are 12 practical ideas, then 12 questions to ask each other over the holidays.
Before the holidays: get on the same page
1. Pick a time that is just yours. On Christmas Eve, you are both likely to be busy with family. Agree ahead of time on a slot that belongs to the two of you: an hour before dinner on the 24th, Christmas morning, or a quiet call on the 26th. If you live in different time zones, write both times side by side and find the one that does not pull anyone away from the table.
2. Say what you are hoping for. One of you may be dreaming of a long video call while the other will be worn out by relatives and would rather send a voice note at night. Better to know that now than to feel forgotten on the night itself.
3. Give your family a heads up. One sentence is enough: "At 9, I'm stepping out for ten minutes to call." It is easier for everyone, and you will not have to hide in the bathroom.
During the holidays: do things together, each on your side
4. Open your presents at the same time. Ship them early (December mail runs late) with a note that says "do not open until our call." Unwrapping on video, at the same moment, is the simplest tradition and often the one you remember most.
5. Cook the same dish. Pick a recipe together, shop separately and cook on a video call. It will come out differently in each kitchen, which is half the fun.
6. Watch the same movie at the same time. Press play on the count of three and keep the call open, or text each other through it. A Christmas classic from your childhood that your partner has never seen is perfect.
7. Share your day in photos. Your parents' tree, your grandmother's signature dish, the dog in a Santa hat: a few photos through the day make it feel like they were there for a moment.
8. Write a letter to open on the 25th. A real letter, mailed in November, with "open on December 25" on the envelope. Unlike texts, it is something to keep.
The questions, ready to copy
- What is your favorite Christmas memory from when you were a kid?
- Which of your family traditions would you love me to experience one day?
- If we spent Christmas together next year, where would it be?
- Which holiday dish would you never let anyone else cook?
- What package would you love to get from me?
- Which Christmas movie should we watch at the same time this year?
- Which little sound of our everyday life do you miss most?
- Which photo of us do you look at most often?
- The first thing you'll say when you see me arrive?
- What little ritual could we keep every December 24th, even apart?
- The moment you thought "this is worth it"?
- What is your wish for us for the year ahead?
When you miss each other: turn it into a date
9. Keep a small evening ritual. The holidays are full and messy. A small fixed ritual, like one question you ask each other every evening, keeps you connected even on days when you only have five minutes.
10. Say it when you miss them. No need for a long message: a quick "I miss you" in the middle of dinner is enough. What hurts is not missing each other, it is thinking the other person does not know. For the nights when it weighs more than expected, what helps is in our guide on missing your partner in a long distance relationship.
11. Plan the next visit. Nothing helps you get through Christmas apart like a date for your next reunion. If it is already set, count down the days together. If not, use the holidays to talk about it and pick one.
12. Make a wish for the two of you. On New Year's Eve or New Year's Day, each say what you wish for your relationship next year. Write it down, and read it together next Christmas, hopefully side by side. For the night of the 31st itself, see our guide to New Year's Eve in a long distance relationship.
Questions to ask each other
The 12 cards above work on a video call, by text or in a voice note. The easiest way: one per evening from December 13 to 24, like an advent calendar for two. Each of you answers on your own, then you read your answers together.
The questions that work best at a distance are the ones that bring back memories (your childhood, your year together) and the ones that give you a future (next Christmas, your reunion). Both bring you closer.
If you want to keep going after the holidays, Sunsay asks you one question every evening, the same one for both of you, and your answers are revealed once you have both replied. The app also keeps the countdown to your reunion, and a one-tap wink lets your partner know you are thinking of them. Several cards in this guide come from its Distance deck.
